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I dont even know anymore
Topic Started: Feb 14 2005, 10:07 PM (218 Views)
Deleted User
Deleted User

I got my tarot card reading by a friend of mine a few days ago and...well...it was depressing. all it did was reafirm EVERYTHING i have been planning to do with getting a gf but have yet to set into action because of my own paranoia, and not having the knowledge of how the girl will react. and along with this, my life for the past few months have been the same thing everyday, every week, and month. nothing has change and nothing seems to want to change.

my life as i know it is now pure monotony that i am unable to break. and that scares me. i have no GF, i have no one to turn to and basicly open up to. i was asked by my friend who did the tarot reading "why havent you snaped yet?" taht was the first thing she said after looking at the cards....and i dont know why.

its either my inability to give up or my inability to let it go, but whatever it is...its pulling me apart at the seams and i just wanna break. i want to break and i want someone to pick up the pieces. but i have a rather large doubt that anyone will do that for me.

i goto my friends house every thursday to get away from my house so i dont snap. and all that does is enforce all of my problems yet somehow masks them. all of them have phones and all of them know my number as well as i know theirs. but no one calls me. it is always i who calls them. i am getting left behind by my own friends and it is making me isolate myself from them while with them. i dont get it.

why must i be so paranoid to ask a girl to go out for the specific reason that she may say no and not be interested in me and why must i be so alone when everyone is about me? why cant i break dammit!? why cant i get someone to break onto? i wnat a GF. tahts all i ask, and yet my damn self wont allow this. damn my inner turmoil and damn my friends for not noticing me.

i want to quit but for some reason i cant. i wish the girls i liked could read this.

sry for this, i just had to post this and yet i dont think it helped. nope it didnt and now i have grown more depressed because i thought about all of this. IM me if u want...or something
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Deleted User
Deleted User

Dunno what to tell you about the friends things.
I go through that now and then myself, and often end up just cutting them loose, because I refuse to always be the one taking the initiative.
Just stop calling them, and if they don't call you, mullet them.
Time to find new friends.

The thing with the girl(s) is almost as easy.
People say "there's lots of fish in the sea" and all that, and they're right.
And I'm not just talking about hooking up for some booty.
I've fallen in love with a handful of girls while waiting for others, and never out of love with any of them, which is good and bad at the same time.
But, I guess what I was getting at is that you just need to find a move and make it, without worrying about consequences, since it will work itself out in some fashion with or without you.
And, being the old fart that I am, and having recently listened to Orbital's "Satan", I can tell you "The funny thing about regret is.. it's better to regret something you've done, than to regret something you haven't done."

Even if she puts your face on a t-shirt saying "Can you believe this dork asked me out?!" and wears it all around town, nobody whose opinion you value will remember it a year from now, including the girl, most likely.

And there's nothing wrong with isolation.
In fact, part of the problem with society today is the lack of it.
It helps clear your mind.
We need it now and then, and it's getting hard to find.

Maybe you should go on a vision quest or something?
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Typhoon Omi
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[:Gerannium Knight:]
[ *  *  *  *  * ]
I'm kinda out of the dating scene, since I broke up with my ex, so I might be a bit biased, but...don't worry about the love thing. Let it find you, or find it if the situation feels right. Otherwise, no reason losing sleep over it.

As for the rest of what you said, I feel sorry for you. But if your 'friends' can't keep up with you or even try to talk to you..Phrank's right, time to find some new friends. And like Phrank said (Phrank's t3h 1337 guru), being someone who's isolated and having time to yourself's..actually a good thing. Let's you think, let's you put life into perspective.
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Deleted User
Deleted User

thx yall
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