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Poem I wrote
Topic Started: Nov 3 2007, 05:16 PM (406 Views)
joe-hpt
Non Omnis Moriar.
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Ok. So a month ago I as sitting in front of a computer in art class [I work with photoshop] and I couldn't think of anything to do. I remembered that I was waiting a for a very important e-mail from my church youth leader concerning our trip that we are going to be taking next week to Ohio. Out of the blue I had received some e-mail from poerty.com. I read through the e-mail and visited their website. I didn't have anything sort of poem already written so I decided to wing it. I came up with this crappy [well, at least I thought it was crappy] 10 line poem and clicked the submit button. I Wasn't very confident at the time that it would win anything. But just today I received a letter from Poetry.com that my poem [which I thought was crappy] had made it to the semi-finals and regardless of whether I won something or not I was going to be published in their upcoming book. I was surprised and I couldn't believe it. All this for something I wrote that I thought wasn't even good. I'm now excited and I guess only time will tell how my poem does from here.

Here's the poem [again which I thought as crappy]"

Title: Fantasies and Tangibilities

Things have stayed the same...
In reality it hasn't.
Forever we'll be...
In reality we're not.
Laughter you will always hear;
Not in our reality.
An unbreakable bond...
As if in our reality!
Car rides are forever
Yeah, in a different reality.

P.S. This isn't the original version. I had to tweak it a bit in order for it to have been able to meet the length requirements and such.

Comments on the poem?
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Lindsey
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burn victim.
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errr... poetry.com isn't the greatest place in the world. The semi-final thing is actually quite common, so many people consider it a scam... You're basically getting roped into buying a book that won't sell well in book stores.

On to the poem!! :D

I like it. To me it reflects the mundane qualities of life and what you wish/want to happen.
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joe-hpt
Non Omnis Moriar.
[ *  *  * ]
Haha. Thanks for the input on Poetry.com. Well, at least they said I didn't have to buy the book. ROTFL.

Im glad you liked my poem even though I still think it's crappy. Haha.
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Deleted User
Deleted User

Er.. yeah, poetry.com is a scam site, sorry. :-/
http://freagairlabs.com/earthoid/index.php...m&submit=search
There have even been teams of people deliberately writing horrible poems to see if they wouldn't get accepted or go to the semi-finals and it seemed they all made it just fine.

As for the poem, I hate to sound harsh, especially since I write poetry and short stories that some people don't like or understand, but I think yours needs work.
It doesn't have very good flow, and I'm not sure I have any idea what you're talking about, for the most part, though that's generally less important than flow.
Repeating "reality" 3 times doesn't help.
If it were a longer poem, you might be able to get away with that or even use it as a tool, but in one so short, it seems more like you couldn't think of another word.

Anyway, I hope you take that as constructive and keep at it. :)
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joe-hpt
Non Omnis Moriar.
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Thanks for your advise Phrank. But like I stated in my first post [ or at least tried to anyways] I just basically winged it. I also write poem but not as short as that one. The poems I usually write are longer, have an actual meaning, and flow very nicely. This one was just pure crap and I know that if I actually tried it would have been better. Maybe I'll re-write it. Once again thanks again for the advice Phrank.
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