| We hope you enjoy your visit. You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| Poem I wrote | |
|---|---|
| Tweet Topic Started: Nov 3 2007, 05:16 PM (406 Views) | |
| joe-hpt | Nov 3 2007, 05:16 PM Post #1 |
|
Non Omnis Moriar.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Ok. So a month ago I as sitting in front of a computer in art class [I work with photoshop] and I couldn't think of anything to do. I remembered that I was waiting a for a very important e-mail from my church youth leader concerning our trip that we are going to be taking next week to Ohio. Out of the blue I had received some e-mail from poerty.com. I read through the e-mail and visited their website. I didn't have anything sort of poem already written so I decided to wing it. I came up with this crappy [well, at least I thought it was crappy] 10 line poem and clicked the submit button. I Wasn't very confident at the time that it would win anything. But just today I received a letter from Poetry.com that my poem [which I thought was crappy] had made it to the semi-finals and regardless of whether I won something or not I was going to be published in their upcoming book. I was surprised and I couldn't believe it. All this for something I wrote that I thought wasn't even good. I'm now excited and I guess only time will tell how my poem does from here. Here's the poem [again which I thought as crappy]" Title: Fantasies and Tangibilities Things have stayed the same... In reality it hasn't. Forever we'll be... In reality we're not. Laughter you will always hear; Not in our reality. An unbreakable bond... As if in our reality! Car rides are forever Yeah, in a different reality. P.S. This isn't the original version. I had to tweak it a bit in order for it to have been able to meet the length requirements and such. Comments on the poem? |
![]() |
|
| Lindsey | Nov 3 2007, 05:57 PM Post #2 |
|
burn victim.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
errr... poetry.com isn't the greatest place in the world. The semi-final thing is actually quite common, so many people consider it a scam... You're basically getting roped into buying a book that won't sell well in book stores. On to the poem!! ![]() I like it. To me it reflects the mundane qualities of life and what you wish/want to happen. |
![]() |
|
| joe-hpt | Nov 3 2007, 06:09 PM Post #3 |
|
Non Omnis Moriar.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Haha. Thanks for the input on Poetry.com. Well, at least they said I didn't have to buy the book. ROTFL. Im glad you liked my poem even though I still think it's crappy. Haha. |
![]() |
|
| Deleted User | Nov 3 2007, 07:10 PM Post #4 |
|
Deleted User
|
Er.. yeah, poetry.com is a scam site, sorry. :-/ http://freagairlabs.com/earthoid/index.php...m&submit=search There have even been teams of people deliberately writing horrible poems to see if they wouldn't get accepted or go to the semi-finals and it seemed they all made it just fine. As for the poem, I hate to sound harsh, especially since I write poetry and short stories that some people don't like or understand, but I think yours needs work. It doesn't have very good flow, and I'm not sure I have any idea what you're talking about, for the most part, though that's generally less important than flow. Repeating "reality" 3 times doesn't help. If it were a longer poem, you might be able to get away with that or even use it as a tool, but in one so short, it seems more like you couldn't think of another word. Anyway, I hope you take that as constructive and keep at it.
|
|
|
| joe-hpt | Nov 5 2007, 02:39 PM Post #5 |
|
Non Omnis Moriar.
![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
|
Thanks for your advise Phrank. But like I stated in my first post [ or at least tried to anyways] I just basically winged it. I also write poem but not as short as that one. The poems I usually write are longer, have an actual meaning, and flow very nicely. This one was just pure crap and I know that if I actually tried it would have been better. Maybe I'll re-write it. Once again thanks again for the advice Phrank. |
![]() |
|
| 1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous) | |
| « Previous Topic · Community Chat · Next Topic » |
| Track Topic · E-mail Topic |
3:00 PM Jul 11
|



![]](http://b1.ifrm.com/0/1/0/p601690/pipright.png)




3:00 PM Jul 11