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Some Computer Jokes
Topic Started: Aug 30 2003, 07:51 AM (366 Views)
Brandon-ZNR
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Customer: "I would like an Internet please."

Customer: "I just got your Internet in the mail today..."

Customer: "I don't have a computer at home. Is the Internet available in book form?"

Customer: "I can't get online."
Tech Support: "Can you be more specific?"
Customer: "It says, 'Bad username/password'."
Tech Support: "What is your username?"
Customer: "Are you sure that the Internet isn't closed for the night?"

"The Internet -- isn't that a microchip?"

"Isn't Netscape Navigator the Internet?"

"I have a problem with my Internet. Anyone know how to get the screens smaller?"

Friend: "I'm going to leave AOL. I think I'll switch to Netscape."
Me: "Um, Netscape isn't a way to get on the Internet. It's what lets you look at the Internet. You need an Internet Service Provider like AOL, CompuServe, or AT&T Worldnet."
Friend: "Oh. I guess I'll get Internet Explorer."

Tech Support: "If you don't have a phone line, you can't connect to the Internet."
Customer: "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. You guys need to do something about that if you want people to be happy with your service!" (click)

Customer: "I broke the Internet! Can you fix it for me?"

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

Customer: "Every time I call you I get disconnected from the Internet!"

Tech Support: "This is technical support returning your call for support. How can I help you?"
Customer: "I want to lodge a complaint."
Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?"
Customer: "I specifically asked you not to program my Internet with pornography. I want it removed immediately."


Customer: "I just went out and bought the newest unit they have out and having trouble hooking up to the Internet!"
Tech Support: "What type of machine are you running?"
Customer: "A Nintendo 64!"
Tech Support: "Sorry, but you can't hook that up to the Internet. You need a computer with a modem first."
Customer: "Well, can't I just buy a modem thing and stuff it inside somewhere?"


The ones in red are my favourites lol.
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Sw33t_DreamZ
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Busy Momma
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good ones Nate :D
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FIREARMS
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H1gh v0lt4g3™
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:lol: N64!
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Sw33t_DreamZ
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Busy Momma
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yeah I liked that one too
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Yoshi
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I wonder what his N64 looks like today.
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Brandon-ZNR
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Some more kick ass ones:
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My friend called me up one night and asked me to help him with a problem he was having sending email.


Friend: "I can't send any email to you."
Me: "So what's the problem? Are you getting any error messages?"
Friend: "No, but everytime I try to go to your email it asks me for your password, and you never gave it to me!"
It turned out he was trying to get into my Hotmail account to send me an email.


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Customer: "I get this error when I check my mail. It says, 'There are no new messages.'"


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Customer: "I tried sending email to 1.404.123.4567 but the emailer wouldn't let me."
Tech Support: "Um, that's a telephone number."


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This, while fixing a problem starting up the system:

Tech Support: "What other strange irregularities do you notice when you boot up?"
Customer: "My numlock lights up. Could that be the problem?"


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Customer: "I don't have a space bar."


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"Lower case? What's that?"


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Tech Support: "May I ask what operating system you are running today?"
Customer: "A computer."


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Customer: "Do you sell Mac OS X for Windows?"


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[/color=red]Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"[/color]


Mwhaha. So funneh.
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Sw33t_DreamZ
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Busy Momma
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:lol: yup very funny I liked the email one :)
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Websurfer
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yoshi
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I like the window one, I fell out of my chair laughing.
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Brandon-ZNR
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More?
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Sw33t_DreamZ
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Busy Momma
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yes please , why even ask? of course bring them on :D
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Brandon-ZNR
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Quote:
 
Friend: "Hey! This one has 300 MHz of RAM!!"


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Her: "Hey, are you interested in buying that? It's a full computer, still works. It's got a color modem and everything."


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Tech Support: "What version of the Mac OS are you using?"
Customer: "Word 6.0."


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One day I asked if my Mom could shut down my computer. I told her to press "the big gray switch on the computer." After some time, I phoned her and asked if she shut the machine down, but she replied, saying there wasn't any big gray switch on the keyboard.


Me: "No, Mom, not on the keyboard; it's on the computer."
My Mother: "Computer?"
Me: "Yes, that gray box on the floor."
My Mother: "Ah, the engine!"
Me: "Engine?"
My Mother: "Yes, it's making lots of noise."


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Customer: "Hi, I need to buy a box of hard disks."


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A customer called saying he was getting an error in Windows 95. He told me what the error was, and I recognized this as a typical error that occurs after installing MS Office 97.


Tech Support: "Sir, did you just install Office 97?"
Customer: "YOU'RE IN MY COMPUTER, AREN'T YOU?????" (click)


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An Internet Service Provider company phoning a client who recently cancelled thei service:

Tech Support: "May I ask the reason you are cancelling our service?"
Customer: "Yeah, I just moved, and the phone jack in my new house is too far away from the computer."


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Customer: "I'm no computer whiz, but I was wondering which end of the phone cord goes into the wall and which one goes into the modem."


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Seeing the light, at last:

Customer: "Oh!! You mean I need a modem and a computer to get on the Internet!?"


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Tech Support: "How fast does your modem go?"
Customer: "It's not moving, it's just sitting there."


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One customer held the mouse in the air and pointed it at the screen like a TV remote, all the while clicking madly


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Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."


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Tech Support: "Please right-click on the icon."
Customer: "But I'm left handed."


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Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please."
Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety."
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"


The last few ones in red are so damn funny.
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Sw33t_DreamZ
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Busy Momma
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good ones yet again Nate, where do you find these? they are soo funny :happy:
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Yoshi
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Quote:
 
Tech Support: "How fast does your modem go?"
Customer: "It's not moving, it's just sitting there."


Thats my favorite one.
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FIREARMS
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Lol!

Those are some very funny ones.

My friend hurt himself cause he fell over when he read them :P

He did not get hurt bad jsut a little fall.
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