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A Lovely Disposition (Poem)
Topic Started: Jan 13 2005, 11:17 PM (255 Views)
Sytex
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AEKDB
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This is my latest poem; it's a romantic poem which explains that my love remains for the one who broke my heart... (I haven't had my heart broken; it's just a poem)... What do you think of it? :haha:

Quote:
 
The soliloquy from which I speak
Hath strengthened my desire
Like passion set ablaze
Like the ransom of a fire
‘Tis not ye who conquer my heart
‘Tis thy who forsake it
Hath thy soul remain content
Hath take my heart and break it
If my disposition enlightens your constrain
Upon thy heart in which you broke
My love, steadfast, still remain

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Dusty
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Whoa, your good. Very good, Keep it up.
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Lukeage
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Demicks/Demix/Demixxx
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Nice,not sure about all of the "hath's" though,But nice! :)
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trueballer
I'm back :p
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*Whipes Tears* lol, Beau-ti-ful :D
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zakb
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yeah man speak english. i have a sweet poem.




roses are red
violets are blue
that's what they tell me



















because im blind
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Sytex
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AEKDB
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(It is English, btw... <_< )

Thanks! Glad you like it. :D
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Timeless Grudge
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Lovely,I just love your poem.*Collects friends to computer*Whatcha think guys?

Emily: Whoah deep..
Cory: That's freak'in kool.Dude keep it up.

(Just to tell ya,that's they're actual oppinions,Lol :) )
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Locke
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That one guy
I'd say ditch the imitation of middle english speaking. Its not working for that poem. Also, in my opinion, you should stay away from starting two lines in a row with the same word. It messes up the rhythm/smoothness in my opinion. Its pretty good overall.
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trueballer
I'm back :p
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Locke
Jan 14 2005, 03:59 AM
I'd say ditch the imitation of middle english speaking. Its not working for that poem. Also, in my opinion, you should stay away from starting two lines in a row with the same word. It messes up the rhythm/smoothness in my opinion. Its pretty good overall.

What if he spoke like that lol :rolleyes:
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zakb
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no one speaks like that
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Locke
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That one guy
trueballer
Jan 13 2005, 10:04 PM
Locke
Jan 14 2005, 03:59 AM
I'd say ditch the imitation of middle english speaking.  Its not working for that poem.  Also, in my opinion, you should stay away from starting two lines in a row with the same word.  It messes up the rhythm/smoothness in my opinion.  Its pretty good overall.

What if he spoke like that lol :rolleyes:

Somehow I doubt that. Also, even in the middle english, the sentences don't form properly. Its like:

"Has my soul remain content
Has take my heart and break it"

That doesn't make much sense. :/
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Sytex
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AEKDB
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Locke
Jan 14 2005, 04:22 AM
trueballer
Jan 13 2005, 10:04 PM
Locke
Jan 14 2005, 03:59 AM
I'd say ditch the imitation of middle english speaking.  Its not working for that poem.  Also, in my opinion, you should stay away from starting two lines in a row with the same word.  It messes up the rhythm/smoothness in my opinion.  Its pretty good overall.

What if he spoke like that lol :rolleyes:

Somehow I doubt that. Also, even in the middle english, the sentences don't form properly. Its like:

"Has my soul remain content
Has take my heart and break it"

That doesn't make much sense. :/

I'm new at this Old-English thing. I thought hath meant have... :haha:

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Locke
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That one guy
HBKid
Jan 13 2005, 10:25 PM
I'm new at this Old-English thing. I thought hath meant have... :haha:

I'm pretty sure it means has. :ermm:
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sozo
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good job! I'm impressed!
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Trav-man
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That's Travtastic!
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zakb
Jan 14 2005, 03:34 AM
roses are red
violets are blue
that's what they tell me
because im blind

:haha: lol!

Nice poem HBK, I do agree with Locke tho on what he's said I just probably wouldn't have went out and said it myself. :S
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