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Bad Jokes
Topic Started: Jul 13 2005, 10:21 AM (713 Views)
Darious
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Two antenna's meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony
wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but
don't start anything"

A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says "Sorry we don't serve food
here."

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says "A beer
please, and one for the road."

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste
funny to you?

Doc-I can't stop singing "The green green grass of Home" that sounds like
Tom Jones Syndrome. "Is it common? It's not unusual

Two cows standing next to each other in a field Daisy says to Dolly "I was
artificially inseminated this morning. "I don't believe you, said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull, exclaimed Daisy."

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look
at either.

A man takes his rotweiller to the vet and says "My dog's cross eyed, is
there anything you can do for him? "Well says the vet, let's have a look at
him. So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally he says I'm going to have to put him down. What? Because he's
cross-eyed? "No because he's really heavy"

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any

I went to the butcher the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't
reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No the steaks are too high"

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor,
I can't feel my legs" The doctor replied, "I know you can't I've cut off
your arms

I went to a seafood disco last week - and pulled a mussel.

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks "Is the bar tender here?"
_________________
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Marxist
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The Comedian
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What do you call sweet corn that's not sweet? Corn.
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Vettore
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DON VETTORE
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What do you call a tooth with a brush? Toothbrush.
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dizo123
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classics
why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side :/

why di the orange stop?
because he ran out of juice :unaware:

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Sonic Blaze
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A blonde walks into a bar and says ouch
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Stephen-ZNR
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stop it. no srsly.
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the only forwarded email i've read this year was actually good
 
Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and
says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam"!

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in  the craft. Unsurprisingly
it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The
first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?  His goal:
transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing
their recent tournament victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and
asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.  "Because", he said, "I can't
stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.  One of them goes to a family in Egypt and
is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan
sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins!
If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to
raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across
town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would
not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired
Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh
beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive
set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his
odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... a
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that
at least one of the puns would make them laugh.  No pun in ten did.
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Juano
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Juano
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What do you get when you cross goat with cheese, goatcheese :ermm:
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arkaton
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What don you get when you cross two gay people?
Two Gay People. xD
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delete_account_please
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One day a brunnete was driving home from work, as she got out of the car she heard her blonde neighbor crying. "Oh my god what wrong?" the brunnete asked. "My mother just died!" said the blonde crying out. The brunnete feeling sorry for the blonde comforted her for the whole day. The next day the brunnete saw the blonde crying outside. "Now what the hell is wrong?!" said the brunnete. "Ohh, it's terrible...my sister called, and her mother died too!"





*sorry blondes*
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Darious
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A parsley farmer fell behind in his payments for the farm.
When the bank stepped in to take over, they said that
they would have to "garnish" his wages.
:haha:
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Sketch.Pad
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Did you hear about the Pirate Porno Movie?

'Twas rated 'ARGHHHHHHH'

:haha: :haha: :haha:
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Chaundra
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What did one wall say to the other wall?
meet you at the corner

What did the rug say to the floor?
gotcha covered

One hot summer day two friends, Steve and Bob, walk into a Wendy's. Bob orders a burger and Steve orders a bowl of chili. They get their order and sit down at the table. Bob watches as Steve puts on a sweater before he starts eating. Bob asks him why he put on a sweater before he started eating. "Because it's chili."

Why did the football player tackle the phonebooth?
because he couldn't get his quarter back

What did Mama bread say to Papa bread?
quit loafing around

What kind of sandwiches do ghosts like?
boo-loney

okay I'll stop here before someone jumps off a bridge. :D
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Mistress Kame
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What's brown and sticky?
a stick.
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delete_account_please
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Hey a blonde wins atlast

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. Afterover an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
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Vault
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they are bad
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