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| A few poems of mine... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 13 2005, 04:52 PM (228 Views) | |
| Katie | Aug 13 2005, 04:52 PM Post #1 |
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xx.you.have.stolen.my.heart.xx
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The sun's rays pour downward shedding light upon the world. Clouds abruptly appear from nowhere, the sun's great radience is consumed. Large drops of water fall, and beautious light is forgotten. All hope is washed away, the storm seems to have no conclusion. Amid the rumbles of the storm comes a whisper of a future. Winds of chance blow in, cold but strong. Clouds are forced away, revealing a rainbow with all of its astonishing color. The sunshine reappears, and the dark clouds drift to distant lands. Clouds are rolling slowly in, preparing for another day. ______________________________________ Walking among the ashes, in a white mist of a field. No ground beneath, no sky above. A white rose, its petals falling eternally. A first blizzard of a season, the last snow of a time. Admist the agony, a song begins. Quivering, like a lost child. Coming closer, growing slowly steadily stronger. The song is recognized, and the world is new. The green sprouts up, the ashes blow away. The ashen sky clears, blue is seen yet again. Only to repeat, for it is the peace in our souls. ________________________________________ As light as a feather, only in cold weather, these fall down together. A frail icy veil, plentiful with detail, drifting down a vague trail. White and gray as it blows, the night is set aglow, to and fro, goes the snow. ________________________________________ Any comments are much appreciated
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| Seisa | Aug 13 2005, 10:49 PM Post #2 |
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I'm sorta surprised you don't post more at the KWC. Though, you know probably better than I do how all the comments we give sound. I recognize the first one, but not the others. Um... I liked these, the lines were a little simple and short for my taste, but you had some pretty wording and ideas. You don't need to get trapped into that sentence broken into two lines at the comma pattern that you seem to be using...it's nice, but just that. you don't always have to break where a comma should be. Sometimes you can even start a sentence in the middle of the line. ^.^b [thumbs up] |
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| EbonyZoot | Aug 19 2005, 11:46 PM Post #3 |
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Wow. Good job! But do they have titles? Or did I just miss them? |
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| Katie | Aug 20 2005, 12:00 PM Post #4 |
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xx.you.have.stolen.my.heart.xx
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The first is untitled, the second is called Ashes, the third is called Snow.
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| John | Aug 20 2005, 01:59 PM Post #5 |
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Determined
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Pretty nice Teenauthors.
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| ChelseaMNN | Aug 23 2005, 03:05 PM Post #6 |
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those are nice. |
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| deeffg | Aug 23 2005, 11:12 PM Post #7 |
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meh, they're ok. Nothing special. |
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| Postulate | Aug 24 2005, 02:45 AM Post #8 |
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You're the point
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I love your first poem: I wrote one similar to it a while back, and that was the basis of my username. My usual siggy quote back then: "At the end of a storm, a rainbow always shines." No matter how many times this concept is used, I never tire of it. Great work.
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| RagingFuryBlack | Aug 24 2005, 04:38 PM Post #9 |
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Not bad, Katie. |
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| Allenby | Aug 26 2005, 09:10 PM Post #10 |
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The first & second one is kewl; liked them. I really loved the third one how it rhymed. Also the third one in my eyes felt like it stoped abprutly and more could of been put there. Yet; it could be just me. Great works. keep up the good work. |
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| Frank_tenpenny | Aug 27 2005, 08:32 AM Post #11 |
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The Forum Advisor
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Wow You seem good at poems |
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| Eveny | Aug 27 2005, 12:53 PM Post #12 |
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your good at righting... |
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