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| Tweet Topic Started: Oct 19 2005, 11:58 PM (201 Views) | |
| Passive | Oct 19 2005, 11:58 PM Post #1 |
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I'm a bit bored here in korea...
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You seemed a quiet assurance, tending to be there, and yet, not, for you never talked. Pity was one thing I held on to, for a sake of staying, I felt it would keep you here. I'm not sure why I endured in this endeavour, your ambience a color shade less than gray. Surely, a night with you was like a night with death, and death was well met with company like me. - And I say to you, "Tear me limb from limb." Give me criticism, in other words. |
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| Remzo | Oct 20 2005, 12:01 AM Post #2 |
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<3
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your excused. |
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| Ross | Oct 20 2005, 12:33 AM Post #3 |
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Inspire
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You're spamming ![]() I enjoyed the poem. Although it took me a few reads to fully get an idea of what was going on. Well written though. I like it. |
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| Iginla | Oct 20 2005, 01:48 AM Post #4 |
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I left sz
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*flips* Never seen HT's poems before. Pretty nice mate. Flows pretty well, but the placement of the commas could use some extra thought. |
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| Passive | Oct 20 2005, 09:36 AM Post #5 |
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I'm a bit bored here in korea...
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Thanks for the comments man, I appreciate it. I put the commas in like that because I like pauses in poems for some reason, haha. |
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| Fo'rizzle | Oct 20 2005, 04:47 PM Post #6 |
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SZ Christian
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Hmm, we may need to give that to as i lay dying or norma jean. Great poem, although as ross said, it's a bit confusing at times. |
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8:30 PM Jul 10