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You'll excuse my behavior...
Topic Started: Oct 19 2005, 11:58 PM (201 Views)
Passive
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I'm a bit bored here in korea...
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
You seemed a quiet assurance,
tending to be there, and yet,
not, for you never talked.
Pity was one thing I held on to,
for a sake of staying, I felt
it would keep you here.
I'm not sure why I endured
in this endeavour, your ambience
a color shade less than gray.
Surely, a night with you was like
a night with death, and death was
well met with company like me.


- And I say to you, "Tear me limb from limb." Give me criticism, in other words.
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Remzo
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<3
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
your excused.
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Ross
Inspire
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Remzo
Oct 19 2005, 11:01 PM
your excused.

You're spamming :|

I enjoyed the poem. Although it took me a few reads to fully get an idea of what was going on. Well written though. I like it.
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Iginla
I left sz
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
*flips*

Never seen HT's poems before. Pretty nice mate. Flows pretty well, but the placement of the commas could use some extra thought.
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Passive
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I'm a bit bored here in korea...
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
--adaM-
Oct 20 2005, 05:48 AM
*flips*

Never seen HT's poems before. Pretty nice mate. Flows pretty well, but the placement of the commas could use some extra thought.

Thanks for the comments man, I appreciate it. I put the commas in like that because I like pauses in poems for some reason, haha.
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Fo'rizzle
SZ Christian
[ *  *  *  *  *  *  * ]
Hmm, we may need to give that to as i lay dying or norma jean. Great poem, although as ross said, it's a bit confusing at times.
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