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Exec Failure pt.2; One of my best poems...
Topic Started: Oct 20 2005, 02:16 AM (247 Views)
Iginla
I left sz
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<3??

First one can be found here:
http://forums.ifskinzone.net/index.php?showtopic=145841


IF I CATCH YOU IN MY TOPIC AND NOT REPLYING, ILL THREATEN YOU!




Quote:
 



Exec Failure pt.2
I now find myself in a pitch dark hole,
A life of doubt, without a purpose or goal.
If I don't make it through tomorrow,
Will you soothe me in my sorrow?

You tell me to try,
Be strong and not to cry.
"The world's not out to get you,"
Your words try and fail to heal me.

The same pathway guides me through,
Somehow right back straight to you.
Maybe if I listened would that be ok,
Would blessed upon me be the sun's new ray?

Maybe I could try, try to fix this puzzle,
When all I have is not but trouble.
Maybe if we combine,
My hope would restore and shine?

It's tough to say this,
I now expect you to understand.
If we follow by our guiders,
We will keep our positive land.

Dedicated to somone special...

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Guilty
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Dude, that sounds great... I like this line...

Quote:
 

"The world's not out to get you,"
Your words try and fail to heal me.
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Iginla
I left sz
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Thanks ^_^
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Marxist
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The Comedian
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It didn't really flow for me. Nice word choice though and verses just maybe get them to flow a bit better.
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Iginla
I left sz
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K Thanks.
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Passive
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I'm a bit bored here in korea...
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Someone to strengthen you in your times of hardship. I like this poem. Kudos!!!

And... I hate to be the one to point this out, but, it's spelled "positive." You may have noticed it otherwise.
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Iginla
I left sz
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Hugh Tate
Oct 20 2005, 05:41 PM
Someone to strengthen you in your times of hardship. I like this poem. Kudos!!!

And... I hate to be the one to point this out, but, it's spelled "positive." You may have noticed it otherwise.

Thanks.


WTF?!?! why did I put two S's? :S
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karmakat
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Your meters off a bit, so it doesnt flow...BUT
If you will add the word AND to this line:

The same pathway guides me through,
Somehow right back AND straight to you.


Then you should have no problems correcting the meter of the poem.
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Alpha
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peace and love.
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Doesn't flow too well, but the meaning and the lines are so well said that it doesn't really matter. Bravo, great work. :D
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Iginla
I left sz
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Thanks.
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benel
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your poem sux http://www.cooksmate.nl/Koeken/Fotos_Koeke...ulde%20koek.jpg gevulde koek will pwn your fat ass
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zhane111
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Ignore Benel, it looks good in my opinion.
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Iginla
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Rofl you dumb nub. I'd pwn a ******* pastry product anyday.
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benel
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hmmm true...but you must admit it looks tasty :)
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Iginla
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benel
Nov 4 2005, 03:31 PM
hmmm true...but you must admit it looks tasty :)

That is irrelevent.
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