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You know you're a redneck when...
Topic Started: Dec 19 2005, 03:45 PM (538 Views)
Sigma Enigma
Member Avatar
Out of sight. Out of mind.
[ *  *  *  *  *  * ]
You don't know the multiplication tables but you understand the NASCAR point system.
You've ever had to siphon gas from your lawn mower to put into your truck.
Your kid calls your sister, mom.
You think icing is what you do to your front steps before your mother in law comes over.
You drink gas because you found out you can run two and a half miles per hour faster.
You've ever tried to drown a fish.
You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.
You drink Labatt 50
You've ever had to knock the spider webs down to use the bathroom.
Your son says, "Dad, can I have a can of mix?"
Your Christmas stocking is full of ammo.
You go to the DMV to transfer the title to your home.
You can yell to your mom, "Hey, Aunt Betty!"
You wonder why there isn't a hairstyle called "The Hat Line."
You actually like Spam.
Your pickup truck has a bigger turning radius than your house.
You send a request to a major fragrance designer to try to recreate the smell of a dead skunk.
Your wife howls at the moon more than your huntin' dogs.
The same pair of boots have been in your family for five generations and they're only twenty years old.
You go swimming in the drainage ditch behind your house.
You cuss and refer to your wife, mother, aunt, and sister with one word.
Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner.
You have more pet names for your huntin' dog than for your girlfriend.
You mistake the offering plate for a spit can.
You go to church to pick up women.
You bring your dog with you to church.
You think that Australia is ruled by the south because their flags are similar.
You think the Franklin Mint is a breath freshener.
Your only tie is made of leather, silver and turquoise.
You buy a can of Mountain Dew just to serve as a container to spit tobacco juice in.
Your house gets picked up every week.
If bar-b-que is a daily thing.
You think that the Dark Side is a room in your house.
You think doctorin' involves mamma's sewing kit and a jug.
You've ever held a guy over your head because of a fight over a CD radio.
You think a Ford Mustang is a new bread of horse.
You prefer to sleep in the truck than in your house.
You have heard more than four people say "Your mamma...she's naked!" before running out of a room with new heart conditions.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.
You break wind in public and blame it on your kid.
You've ever valet parked a snowplow.
You vacuum the sheets instead of washing them.
You've ever gotten an official letter of recognition from a tobacco or beer company.
You've ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.
You kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year's eve party.
You've ever paid for a 6-pack of beer with pennies.
There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your block.
You have a Bud Light pool table light hanging over your dining room table.
The strongest smell in your house is butane.
Your dog passes gas and you claim it.
You've ever mistaken your Aunt Betty for a man.
You think paprika is a Third World country.
You ask the preacher, "How's it hanging?"
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
You have a bumper sticker that says, "My mother's an honor student" at the local junior high.
You think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeuvre.
You played the banjo in your high school band.
The velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.
You have no hubcaps on your car because you're using them to feed you hunting dogs.
More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
You've ever used lard in bed. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You pick your teeth from a catalog You've ever financed a tattoo.
You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fist-fight at a high school sports event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
Your entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.
You go to the family reunion to pick up women.
You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
None of your shirts cover your stomach.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
The rear cars on your car are twice the size of your front ones.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You prominently display a gift you bought a Graceland.
You use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
Your classes at school were canceled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
During your senior year, you and your mother had homeroom together.
You're a lite beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.
On your fist date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
You have a color coordinated rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your grandmother can properly execute the sleeper hold.
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
Your masseuse uses lard.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You use your fishing license as a form of ID
On stage night, you take a real deer.
You use a 55 Chevy as a guesthouse.
Your back porch is bigger than your house.
You've ever hollered, "Rock the house, Bubba!" during a piano recital.
Your kids' favorite bedtime story is "Curious George and the High Voltage Fence.
Your watchband is wider than any book you've ever read.
You know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.
You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
Your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.
You have more carpet on your toilet than on your floors.
Your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
Someone asks for your ID and you show 'em your belt buckle.
Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
Every day somebody comes to your door mistakenly thinking that you're having a yard sale.
The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
You prefer to walk the access length of your jeans rather than hem them.
You smoked during your wedding.
People ask to hunt in your front yard.
Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
Your check feature pictures of dogs fighting.
Your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said, "Ya'll come look at this before I flush it.
Your satellite dish is bigger than your house.
Your tires on your truck are bigger than your wife.
You've ever driven a tractor to school.
Your high school prom had a day care center.
You have more than five magazines on the back of your toilet.
There is a shrine to the Dukes of Hazard somewhere in your home.
Your dad has ever been married so many times that U-haul gives him Christmas cards.
You had a necklace made from a beer tab.
Your grandma got in a fist-fight over a handicap parking space.
You think the Indy 500 is 500 Indians running down a hill.
If your life long dream is to get the autograph of the General Lee from the TV show Dukes of Hazard.
If you apologize to your car repeatedly just to get it started.
If you pet someone else's dog and your wife thinks you're flirting.
If your idea of a night on the town is ordering two Big Macs and a large fry.
If the couch in your living room was found beside the curb.
If the furniture on your front lawn is in better condition then the furniture in your living room.
If your idea of home improvement is rearranging the cars in your front yard.
If your "I Love...." tattoo has more than one name crossed out on it.
If you met your first and present wife at the Dairy Queen.
If your idea of a divorce settlement is splitting the bills equally.
If you have at least one of those clapper devices controlling the appliances in your house.
If you've ever thought about trying to install a clapper device on your car as a remote starter.
If you refuse to live in a house because there isn't enough room for all of your cars.
If you memorize redneck jokes so you can be the life of the party.
If more than one of your friends shows up at your Halloween party wearing a lampshade asking "Know what I am?"
If your girlfriends idea of safe sex is to lock the car door.
If the entire police force of your town knows you on a first name basis.
If you have a 'reserved' cell at the police station.
If you've ever tried to marry a judge just to get out of paying a traffic ticket.
If you think a blood alcohol test is used to make sure there isn't any blood in your case of beer.
If you watch the "Jeff Foxworthy Show" religiously.
If you lie awake at night thinking of redneck jokes to submit to Jeff Foxworthy.
If you prefer to kill what you eat rather than buying what you eat.
If the Home Shopping channel is the second most watched program in your house (Hee-Haw being the first).
You think going formal is wearing your good overalls.
You own the big truck that transports trailer homes.
Your mobile home still has the flags and signs that say "Wide Load."
Your home grown vegetables are grown on your kitchen window sill.
Your dog has it's own place setting at the dinner table.
You claim your pets as dependents on your income tax.
Everyday at your house is a family reunion.
You have your own dog kennel in your back yard.
You've found every one of your pets.
You've ever tied a leash on a grasshopper.
The most common phrase in your house is "Somebody go jiggle the handle."
You have ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
You call rust a quality paint job.
If you've ever been a member of the KKK at more than one time.
Someone yells hoe-down and your girlfriend hits the floor.
You stare at a can of orange juice because it says concentrate.
Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
You swerve to hit a deer.
You can play the star spangled banner on your beer gut.
Your momma and your dog bathe together.
The grocery store clerk wouldn't believe the Skoal was for your mom.
You know all the lyrics to the hit song CONVOY.
Your definition of hard drive is a pickup truck with no seat cushions on a bumpy road.
You use a tire for a sled.
Your bathroom air freshener is a pack of matches.
You got married at a monster truck rally.
Your not allowed to mention the game warden at the table.
Your Aunt Birtha used to be your Uncle Joe.
You wore your Carhart overalls and matching coat to your senior prom.
You use a Coleman lantern as your only source of heat.
You have to slip a bottle of Jack Daniels to the emissions guy so that your truck will pass.
You've ever used the scope on your huntin' rifle to locate your kids.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it.
You enter a fully functioning, deserted restroom and urinate in the sink.
You brush your tooth less than you comb your eyebrow.
You only know one foreign city, Copenhagen.
If your house and your barn are the same building.
If your best crystal used to contain snuff.
You consider muskrat a gourmet food.
Your house is on wheels and three cars in the yard.
You have a horse and he eats the same foods you do.
You take spurs to show off at your local public school.
Your toenails curl before you cut them.
Socks in bed turn you on.
You think a sieve is part of your shirt.
You let you kid pee in the parking lot at K-Mart.
You took a beer to a job interview.
You think when someone says the word rig and it reminds you of a pair of suspenders.
Your mom is the man of the house.
You wear a bra under a strapless dress.
If you've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
You think another name for a pay toilet is Johnny Cash.
Your dad and your tires are both bald.
Your wife has only one bra and you have 10 fishing poles.
Your neighbors swing is a better tire than you have on your truck.
You live in a $24,500 trailer and have a $2,425,000 bass boat.
Your tractor hat and coat are the same color.
Your idea of a gourmet meal is the noon special at the truck stop.
You think straight D's is the honor roll.
You think payday is when the welfare check comes.
You think multi-cultural means you have more than one virus at a time.
When someone mentions a sleeping bag you think of your wife.
You think buying from the good humor truck is ordering alacarte.
The best art work you own is a cut out from a twelve pack of beer.
If you have to mow your driveway.
You own any willow furniture you made yourself.
You have a collar and your dog doesn't.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.
Your front porch collapses and four dogs got killed.
You stand in line for more than 7 hours for your deer tags.
If your mother drives a tractor-trailer and her friends call her "Butch".
If your backyard looks like a junkyard.
You spend more money on Copenhagen and Budweiser in a year than you do on your whole family.
You think tractor pulling should be the national sport.
Your dad walks you to school because you are in the same grade.
You've ever dipped snuff during a job interview.
You ask for all your teeth for Christmas.
If your momma's beard is thicker than yours.
You ever re-mortgaged your house to buy a bass boat.
Everyone you know has more than one first name.
You ever made change in the offering plate.
Your momma can tell the highway patrolman to kiss off without taking the cigarette out of her mouth.
You have ever gone to a concert in the Wall Mart parking lot.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Drivers, Start
Your Engines".
Your think your license plate is personalized because your father made it in prison.
You think Dr. School is a miracle worker.
You've ever taken a stair off your house and used it as a running board on your truck.
You have an imprint of a tobacco can on the back pocket of your favorite blue jeans.
Someone asks you the time and you say "January".
You've ever been pulled over by the Coast Guard. Directions like "up the road a piece" means you have to pack a lunch.
You ever walked two miles from your house to go to the bathroom.
The only gold you own is in your mouth.
You're related to everyone at the high school reunion.
You are the state cow tipping champ.
Your toothbrush has more hair than your dog.
You consider a six-pack life support.
You like the idea that there are 24 beers in a case and 24 hours in a day.
Your family vehicle bears the name John Deere.
Your yard is cleaner after a tornado than before.
Your mom ran off with the neighbor's dog.
You have more jewelry than Deion Sanders and it comes from the Home Shopping Network.
You need to tattoo your name on your hand so you can remember it.
You think a goat is an indoor animal.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
Your wife ruins her best dress going coon hunting.
The neighborhood tire relay winner is the fastest one to change all the tires on his house.
Your family tree forms a wreath.
If the contents of your fishing tackle box is worth more than your house.
You mow your front lawn and discover five cars.
People come up and ask you daily if you're having a yard sale.
You have to drive past more than three junk cars and a gutted deer to get your mail.
You go to a class reunion and all five of you are related.
Your family tree doesn't branch.
You apply for a home improvement loan to buy a new topper for your pickup truck.
If you think Old Yeller is a movie about your brother's teeth.
You've ever worn your feed hat to a wedding.
Your wife has to shave more than you do.
If you've got a green neck from wearing your fine jewelry.
You have a gun rack on your riding lawn mower.
Your driving school consisted of Dukes of Hazzard re-runs and a demolition derby.
You show the officer your belt buckle when he asks for identification.
You and the game warden are on a first name basis.
Your garage looks better than your house.
Your idea of a first date is a monster truck rally.
You ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You have more money between your couch cushions than in your wallet.
Your clothes are older than you.
You have a home that's mobile and 14 cars that aren't.
You would give up your house instead of our boat.
The only 4.0 you got was on a breathalyzer test.
If you have one or more deerblinds in your front yard.
You use more duct tape than common sense.
You prefer Monday Night wrestling to Seinfeld.
You read all these Redneck jokes as bedtime stories.
You slash open boxes of cereal with a knife because you consider yourself a serial killer.
Your wife counts a hammer among her cooking utensils.
Your 2 year old has more teeth than you do.
Your house has taillights but your car doesn't.
"Over Thar" is part of your vocabulary.
You and your dog share the same name.
The dash of your car has more carpet on it than your entire house.
Your family tree consists of you and your dog.
Your favorite comedian is Jeff Foxworthy.
Your house is on wheels and your car isn't.
Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
Your wallet and your dog are both on a chain.
Your dog weighs more than you do.
You know all the stock car driver's numbers by heart.
You rotate your tires more often than you take a bath.
You yelled, "Rock the house Bubba" at a piano recital.
You think harass is two words.
After 20 years of marriage you find out your wife is your cousin.
You take notes while watching The Three Stooges.
Your new car is a John Deere.
You go to the city dump and leave with more than you took.
While raking leave you fall out of the tree.
Your truck is higher than your house.
You think Fast Food is hitting a deer at 60 mph.
You go ice fishing and you bring back 200 pounds of ice.
You have a Waffle House credit card. Birds are attracted to your beard.
You go to a family reunion to meet women.
You're not actually able to read The Richard Petty Story, but you sure do like to look at the pictures.
You are offended by these jokes.
The three little words you say to your wife are GIMME A BEER.
Your grandmother has ever been kicked out of Bingo Night because of her language.
You win the lottery and buy a NEW doublewide to live in.
You think a quarterback is a refund.
You were born on a pool table.
Truck drivers tell your mom to watch her language.
Your porch falls off and more than two dogs die.
Your living room wall has the flood history.
You get detention in school for catching a bigger fish than the principal catches on the day you both skipped.
You consider Rambo a classic.
You think, "Gentlemen, Start Your Engines" is part of the
Your Lazy Boy has a gun rack mounted on it.
You've been married 3 times and still have the same in-laws.
Your house has no curtains but your truck does.
Calling your closest neighbor on the phone is long distance.
You went to a huntin' camp on your honeymoon.
You told your wife to move over in bed so the dog can have more room.
Hitting an animal with your truck means getting a new coat.
When asked your tooth color on a application, you state "Not Applicable".
You ever held a family reunion in jail.
You have legally changed your name to "Current Resident" in a sorry attempt to get more mail.
You prefer calling your sister Hun.
If the garbage men don't know what to take or what to leave.
If you believe God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr.
You bought a VCR because wrestling was on while you were at work.
Your house pets include any form of livestock.
You consider a night at the rodeo a romantic evening.
Your blood alcohol level is higher than your IQ
Your wife has a beard and you don't.
You leave pickled eggs and beer for Santa.
Your bridal registry was the local bait shop.
Your spare tire is a cement block.
Your truck has curtains but your trailer doesn't.
You identify with the Beverly Hillbillies before they struck oil.
Your coon dog was the "Best Man" at your wedding.
You're not sure of the true color of your pickup.
Your kid's first words were paper or plastic.
All your new appliances are your neighbors old ones. T
There are more than four cats living in your garage.
Your mamma carries a wrench and a comb in her back pocket.
Your mamma has more chest and underarm hair than your father.
You put your empties through the cylinder holes in your coffee table.
You try to hit road signs with empty beer bottles.
You put your pocketknife and key ring on opposite sides of your belt to balance yourself.
You've never slept with your boots off.
You go turkey hunting for hat decorations.
Your car stereo is worth more than the car it is installed in.
You purposed marriage to you best gal by painting the "Big Question" on a overpass.
You know more that 10 slang words for "breast."
You serve macaroni and cheese at a formal dinner.
You ever stripped or jumped out of a cake at a relative's bachelor party.
Your wife receives a discount from Mary Kay for buying in bulk.
You refuse to throw out your leisure suit, because you still insist that lime green is not a fad color and polyester when always be "in."
You think that a spatula is a bone you broke playing high school football.
Your definition of homestead is the first trailer that was parked on your family lot.
Your wife sends you out for formula and you come home with a jug of moonshine.
You are still making payments to the body shop for your last home improvement.
You try to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
You own a pair of cut-offs made from double-knit pants.
You've never seen a film with subtitles.
You must go through more than two gates to get to your house.
Your best sofa came out of a Chevrolet.
Your primary income involves pigs or manure.
You've ever been to drunk to milk a cow.
You have more electronic equipment in your truck than in your house.
You've ever laid rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.
Your kids trip over the Christmas lights while hunting for Easter eggs.
Your kids hide the Easter eggs under cow patties.
You think beef jerky and Moonpies are two of the major food groups.
You bought your best pair of shoes off the impulse rack by the register.
You tried to claim "loss of teeth" as an exemption on your taxes.
You have a sign on your front door explaining house rules and liability.
Jack Daniel makes your list of most admired people.
You and six of your neighbors split the cable bill.
You take out a home improvement loan to buy a new camper shell.
People can't recognize your car without a dead animal on the hood.
Your mailbox holds up one end of your clothesline.
You've ever had to appear in court because of your dogs.
The front license plate of your care has the words "Foxy Lady" written in airbrush.
Any of your honeymoon plans involve a deer camp.
All your favorite shirts came with a two-pack purchase of cigarettes.
You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
You have ever tried to use food stamps to mail a watermelon.
You own more than three shirts with the sleeves cut off.
You ever get dog hair from your belly button.
You ever go clothes shopping in a goodwill box.
You ever go through the laundry milk crate for clean/dirty socks.
You have ever injured yourself lighting farts.
You've ever used your underwear for toilet paper.
You've ever driven your tractor to the bar because you were too drunk to drive your car.
You've ever used 40 weight to shine your boots.
You consider your wife's tattoos moving pictures.
You've ever coveted your neighbor's wife and she's your sister.
Your eye color on your driver's license in red.
You judge how long a trip will take by how much beer to bring.
You ring your shotgun to school so you car hunt at recess.
You think beer guzzling should be an Olympic sport.
You have 50 keys on your belt and only five locks you need to open.
Your grandmother can out-drink, out-spit, and out-cuss you and all your friends.
Your idea of a luxury sedan includes running boards, a bug deflector, and an extended cab.
You have a kill switch on your car and you use it every day.
Your best pair of shoes is a pair of work boots with holes in it.
You've ever spent a Sunday afternoon shooting mice out of your kitchen cabinet.
You refer to your beer gut as "the old tool shed."
You've ever tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
You've ever stolen a Neighborhood Watch sign to put in your yard.
Your boots cost more than your wedding ring.
You've ever vacationed in a rest area.
You've ever cut your grass and found a car.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of top five hygiene concerns.
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Someone asks, "Where's your bowling bag?" and you answer, "She's at home with the kids."
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
You've ever bought a used cap.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
You think a turtleneck is the key ingredient for soup.
You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
Your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices.
You've ever been kicked out of the KKK for being a bigot.
You see no need to stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug in the car.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
You ever hit on somebody in a VD clinic.
After the Prom you drove the truck while your date hit road signs with beer bottles.
All of your four letter words are two syllables.
You cut your toenails in front of company.
You've ever heard a sheep bleat and had romantic thoughts.
Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
You think Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
You actually know which kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper.
If your biggest decision when going on vacation is to use paper or plastic.
You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those
Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
You sit on your roof Christmas Eve with a shotgun hoping to fill your deer quota for the year.
You think that your sister is not your sister anymore just because you get a divorce.
You always thought "Guns and Roses" was something you get for your anniversary.
You've ever vacationed in a rest area.
You proposed in a Denny's.
The passengers enter your vehicle through the driver's-side door.
You had to hitchhike on your honeymoon.
You think "Chablis" is the name of last months Playboy centerfold.
You save cooking grease in a coffee can.
You inherited a Styrofoam cooler.
There's no cutoff age for sleeping with your parents.
Your doghouse and your living room both have the same shag carpet.
You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
You've ever had to move a car seat to make love.
You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.
Your favorite restaurant has a gas pump in front of it.
You don't have a home phone.
You think "Ross Perot" is how your cousin Ross got out of jail early.
You think "trash TV" is something in your back yard.
You think "megabytes" means a good day fishing.
You've ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
Your deer stand has an address.
You have more things with Hank Williams Jr.'s name on them than your own.
You think a lavatory is a breed of dog.
You've ever taken a date flowers you stole from a cemetery.
You've ever relieved yourself from a moving vehicle.
You use old auto parts as a boat anchor.
Your pickup truck and wife are the same age.
Your favorite cologne is Deep Woods Off.
You've ever given livestock as a wedding present.
You think safe sex means putting on the emergency brake.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
Your 23-channel CB radio is used to communicate with your family.
Your bridal veil was made of window screen.
You call your boss, "dude."
You repaint your pink flamingo every spring... but not your house.
You have ever carried leftovers home in your handbag.
You think an oil change involves a comb and bottle of Vitalis.
You whistle to get the attention of your waiter or waitress.
Your college graduation ceremony includes parallel parking an 18-wheeler.
You think ribs come from Europe.
Your toothbrush is a hand-me-down.
The nearest liquor store is brewing in your basement.
Your Friday nights consist of lots of Budweiser and a mechanical bull.
You have used a potato peeler to remove a corn.
The Marlboro man is your idol.
You see a sign that says, "dip in road" and you stop to see what flavor it is.
You think a canopy goes under the bed instead of over it.
You've ever had a conversation about truck tires that lasted more than an hour.
You've ever fished from over a fence.
You have ever taken lawn furniture to a drive-in.
Your state senator is willingly photographed with no shirt and a leather vest on a Harley, but refuses to take a Breathalyzer test.
You think virgin wool comes from ugly sheep.
You keep catfish in your aquarium.
You think truffles are a brand of potato chips.
You've ever bought a used cap.
You know all the verses to the "Hee Haw" song.
You currently drive a car with "In Tow" painted across the back.
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coffinswearprada
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(neon black rot)
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When you make this topicthread.

:/
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soGONE
dharma
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You couldn't have made it any longer?
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Curare
laaaaaaax.
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Quote:
 
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.


Yeah I don't get that one. Otherwise good. :P
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eL DiaBL00
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too much of a list i was half way through when i realized theres too much to read,funny tho
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Tristessa
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DARKNESS
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Totally demeaning, but funny.
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ThEta
.
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Define: Redneck.

Quote:
 
a poor white person in the southern United States


?
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m477hew
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edline really does suck
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Got halfway throught and realized im a redneck..... :'(
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Dave
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I read a couple of them, my typical American attention span will not allow me to read the entire thing, but I don't need to read it. I've already figured out I am a redneck. :P
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Solor
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XD Heard some of these before.
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georgiaboy
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Come to my town and you will see alot of these things. I liked the UFO one :ermm:
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Ovi
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\o Comrade Ovinski o/
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Loooong list O_o. Funny btw. I liked the tractor to school one :P
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.EndotroniX
Joe10 for admin
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Those are funny but there's so many, I just read halfway through.
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svt_cobra_R
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ThEta
Dec 19 2005, 03:45 PM
Define: Redneck.

Quote:
 
a poor white person in the southern United States


?

You got something against us rednecks? <_<








Better not :P
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Espalon
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Achievement Unlocked
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LMAO. Didn't read it all though - too long.
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