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22 year old guy with 16 year old girl; Am I right to be angry?
Topic Started: Sep 18 2007, 10:55 AM (81,508 Views)
Ender.
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Steve
Sep 19 2007, 05:31 PM
Ryn
Sep 19 2007, 07:05 AM
At 16 they're not capable of making their own decisions. I'd be highly pissed at the guy and upset with the daughter. She's 16 she doesn't know what love is yet. Secondly a lot of guys prey on these girls because of their naivety. I can't speak for all countries, but in America that's something that's looked down upon. I know it's legal in some places but that doesn't make it right. Why is it that they can have sex at 16 with adults but cannot move out until they're 18? I'm sorry but if my daughter wants to do that she'd have to get the hell out of my house.XD

In Britain you can move out at the age of 16.

And 16 year olds are perfectly capable of making rational, and reasonable decisions. Just because they haven't experienced as much as perhaps a middle aged adult has does not make them any less capable of making their own decisions.

And you're saying that you'd want to get you're daughter out of your house for acting on urges that are only human - and that the vast majority of us feel?

Just because someone is capable of making reasonable decisions, doesn't mean they're going to. Besides, experience is the best teacher and 16 year olds may be just as "capable" of making reasonable decisions than middle aged adults, but which one is likely to know what the best decision would be? And which is likely to look at it more rationally?

The things you're saying cancel each other out. The fact that human beings are able to make rational decisions, instead of acting on every urge and impulse, is part of what separates us from animals.

Besides, impulses and urges sometimes make stupid decisions seem perfectly reasonable.

----------------------

I'm not sure why you should be...."angry" about it, unless your reasons involve morals, but I can easily see you being scared for your child, because of things like this happening.
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Ryn
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Steve
Sep 19 2007, 05:31 PM
Ryn
Sep 19 2007, 07:05 AM
At 16 they're not capable of making their own decisions. I'd be highly pissed at the guy and upset with the daughter. She's 16 she doesn't know what love is yet. Secondly a lot of guys prey on these girls because of their naivety. I can't speak for all countries, but in America that's something that's looked down upon. I know it's legal in some places but that doesn't make it right. Why is it that they can have sex at 16 with adults but cannot move out until they're 18? I'm sorry but if my daughter wants to do that she'd have to get the hell out of my house.XD

In Britain you can move out at the age of 16.

And 16 year olds are perfectly capable of making rational, and reasonable decisions. Just because they haven't experienced as much as perhaps a middle aged adult has does not make them any less capable of making their own decisions.

And you're saying that you'd want to get you're daughter out of your house for acting on urges that are only human - and that the vast majority of us feel?

No, I'm saying if my daughter wants to preform adult acts with an actual adult, then maybe if she's so "mature" she should be able to live by herself. I need to rephrase what I said about the decision making. Of course they can make decisions, but most of the time parents make the RIGHT ones for them. They might not understand it, but years down the line if they'll realize "Damn mom and dad were right". 16yr olds aren't the most rational of age groups. If anything they're naive and ignorant about life itself, so how can they make rational decisions without having any experience in life or little to no insight on things? This is where the adults step in, to give them knowledge and teach them about life.

See the difference is that she's doing this with an adult..not someone closer to her age. In America you can't move out at 16, unless you're emancipated or something. So if my daughter can't support herself then maybe she's not the most rational thinking being. Maybe she's not as mature as she thinks she is. Maybe she doesn't know much. Maybe she's just a kid who needs parental guidance before she can call herself a "woman". At 16, in America, do you know that if you have a child ..more than likely the parents are going to have to take care of it? Why? Because you cannot support yourself. Even if you have a small job that's not enough for you to take care of a kid. You'd need support from your parent or guardian for a bit until you've gained some level of financial stability, and even then some young mothers and fathers just throw their kids on the mothers, dads, grandparents forever. Acting out on urges all the time isn't the most intelligent thing to do. If anything, by being an adult you should learn how to have a little something called willpower. Without it your bills won't get paid because you had the "urge" to go and buy yourself an Xbox360 and a PS3, when you know your deadline is tomorrow. Meanwhile you're on the brink of being homeless, all due to you acting out on your "urges" as if you don't have any responsibilities: something children do.
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SocietysMasquerade
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I guess if it were my daughter, I'd be wondering what the guys intentions are, and why he has to get sex from a sixteen year old. However, I don't really think you should be angry. You're angry as a father, and father's often are under the impression that their daughter's are innocent. Not that it isn't true, but it isn't always.
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Milex
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I personally don't see a big problem with this.

If I was the father of the daughter I wouldn't be as much angry but more concerned about my daughter. Who is this man? Have you known him long?

If the daughters alright with the agreement, and the man she's going to be getting into a physical relationship with is clean I don't have a problem with it.
In your post you said that the man wanted to have sex with a 16 year old but nothing of the 16 year olds opinion.

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Ryn
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I had a friend who was about 15 hanging out with a 22/25 year old guy and just mentioning that "he has a nice car". Acting as if that's the most impressive thing she's ever seen in her life. Clearly she was focused on superficial nonsense and not looking beneath the surface and asking herself why he would even want to flirt with her. She wanted my opinion on it but I didn't really say anything because I knew if I did the right words would come out, but it'd be the wrong way of saying them. Seriously dating an older guy to a teen is a social prize to most girls. I just don't really trust guys who go after girls *that* young. I mean they easily have the mental upperhand and can basically manipulate them into doing whatever they want them to do.
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Black Angel-ZNR
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I'm sorry, but if it were my child, then yes, I would be angry, and if my child chose to have sex with him, even though I told her not to because she was underaged, and should wait 2 more years, then I would give her her walking papers.

If she felt that she was woman enough to disobey me, then she is woman enough to support herself. I would have her emancipated, this way she is free to do whatever, and whomever she wants, but by the same token, she will not be in my house doing it, and I won't be brought up on charges of child neglect. If she thinks that she is adult enough to screw a 22 year old, (despite my telling her not to) then she should be adult enough to go out, and find a job and an apartment of her own. The moment she had sex is the same moment she became an adult. If I don't pay rent for, clothe, and feed other adults, then I am not going to do it for her.
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Jimmy
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So many people are around having sex at these ages and it is not uncommon. It is however, uncommon to see a 22 year old with a 16 year old and it is a very unique thing. funny how only the bad sticks out at you.

I think you have nothing to worry about. this girl probably has no parenting to teach her anything.
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Melancholic
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Ryn
Sep 19 2007, 11:15 PM
[long personal story undermining objectivity]

You seriously underestimate 16 year old girls. I know dozens that are more mature and capable of making rational decisions than my mom. It's not like your friend's materialistic attitude will somehow go away when she's older -- it probably won't. Blame society for that, not her age. If him having a nice car is a good enough reason for her to spread her legs then why not let her? In my opinion virginity is highly overrated, and there's nothing "sacred" about sex. It feels good, it makes you lose weight, it helps you feel more secure about yourself (basically the best thing that can happen to one at that age since confident = cool = popular = friends) and practise will always remain the best path to becoming a better lover. I'm a bit of a hedonist though. :P
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Ryn
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Melancholic
Sep 20 2007, 02:36 AM
Ryn
Sep 19 2007, 11:15 PM
[long personal story undermining objectivity]

You seriously underestimate 16 year old girls. I know dozens that are more mature and capable of making rational decisions than my mom. It's not like your friend's materialistic attitude will somehow go away when she's older -- it probably won't. Blame society for that, not her age. If him having a nice car is a good enough reason for her to spread her legs then why not let her? In my opinion virginity is highly overrated, and there's nothing "sacred" about sex. It feels good, it makes you lose weight, it helps you feel more secure about yourself (basically the best thing that can happen to one at that age since confident = cool = popular = friends) and practise will always remain the best path to becoming a better lover. I'm a bit of a hedonist though. :P

It's not underestimating,it's just common sense. I didn't know diddly squat at 16 hardly because I didn't have a lot of life experience or knowledge. I'm not talking about booksmarts here. I'm talking about knowledge you can only be given to by wise people: elders. It's not about the materialistic attitude so much, it's the fact that she was impressed by that and not the person itself, and by this guy practically being a pedophile, this makes it easier for him to get her trust. Would you want your friend to go out with a pedophile? Would you really want that? If you say yes then I guess it's a lost cause explaining anything else to you. I wasn't going to just let her without giving my opinion in some way. After that I never heard her speak of him again, and she went on dating someone a lot close to her age. Like I said, she was my friend and she ASKED me for MY opinion on the subject. Please we already know sex is a good thing "yadda yadda yadda" no one's talking about that. Virginity has nothing to do with the topic. At all. Secondly if you need to have sex in order to make yourself secure then wow...maybe you should do some soul searching instead of spreading your legs to make you feel better about yourself.

[Note,yourself does not equal you. I'm talking about people in general. Don't get upset with that post.]

P.S...that was kind of rude to just edit my post like that. Oh well I don't care. And if you find a small paragraph like that to be a long story then maybe you shouldn't be on messageboards at all.
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Sammie0
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In general i don't think you should be angry, if it was your daughter in this situation it's understandable to be angry about this, If both the older man and the younger girl want the same thing well fine, if the girl was to say no and went ahead and did it she could have him charged with rape.

If it was my daughter in this situation i wouldn't be very pleased with it since he is over 18 years of age, if he was was under 18 i would be fine with it asking as he was wearing protection, although i would talk to both my daughter and the man first if this accrued.

Overall this story is no worse than my uncle, he has been sleeping around with a 16/17 year old girl for months now, and how old is he? over 40 years of age, i'm not joking either, My whole family think is stupid and have told him but he just wont listen to what we say.
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emeraude
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Melancholic
Sep 20 2007, 02:36 AM
Ryn
Sep 19 2007, 11:15 PM
[long personal story undermining objectivity]

You seriously underestimate 16 year old girls. I know dozens that are more mature and capable of making rational decisions than my mom. It's not like your friend's materialistic attitude will somehow go away when she's older -- it probably won't. Blame society for that, not her age. If him having a nice car is a good enough reason for her to spread her legs then why not let her? In my opinion virginity is highly overrated, and there's nothing "sacred" about sex. It feels good, it makes you lose weight, it helps you feel more secure about yourself (basically the best thing that can happen to one at that age since confident = cool = popular = friends) and practise will always remain the best path to becoming a better lover. I'm a bit of a hedonist though. :P

Be that as it may, a sixteen-year-old girl is still not an adult. Women reach mental maturity at 18 or later. No sixteen-year-old girl is mentally ready for sex, no matter how much you (or they) believe that they are. Teenagers (at least a lot of them) have a feeling of invincibility because they're young; however, they are the exact opposite. They are vulnerable, and men like this 22-year-old gentleman are taking advantage of them. I do agree of course that many teenagers are mature and old enough to make their own decisions. I am, after all, a teenager who’s been living on my own for quite some time—although it could of course be just my opinion that I am mature. But most teenagers are not ready for it, no matter how adamantly they say they are. They may be geniuses; it doesn’t mean they’re ready for sex, especially with older men.

Most young people don't recognize their limitations when it comes to sex and maturity. Everyone would like to believe they are mature; it doesn't mean they are. While of course, I lose all respect for a girl willing to have sex with a man that much older than her, I still believe that the man has taken advantage of her. Regardless of whether the girl has the choice to say no (and of course, she should) it is the older person's responsibility to recognize that having sex with a minor, no matter the age of consent, is morally wrong, and can cause irrevocable damage to the young person. If the guy truly likes the girl, he can wait a few years until she's ready. If he just wants her for the sex, then she shouldn't sleep with him no matter what her age.

So I voted yes, you have every right to be disturbed, because what that man is doing is wrong.
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WhiteElephant
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emeraude
Sep 21 2007, 08:11 PM
Melancholic
Sep 20 2007, 02:36 AM
Ryn
Sep 19 2007, 11:15 PM
[long personal story undermining objectivity]

You seriously underestimate 16 year old girls. I know dozens that are more mature and capable of making rational decisions than my mom. It's not like your friend's materialistic attitude will somehow go away when she's older -- it probably won't. Blame society for that, not her age. If him having a nice car is a good enough reason for her to spread her legs then why not let her? In my opinion virginity is highly overrated, and there's nothing "sacred" about sex. It feels good, it makes you lose weight, it helps you feel more secure about yourself (basically the best thing that can happen to one at that age since confident = cool = popular = friends) and practise will always remain the best path to becoming a better lover. I'm a bit of a hedonist though. :P

Be that as it may, a sixteen-year-old girl is still not an adult. Women reach mental maturity at 18 or later. No sixteen-year-old girl is mentally ready for sex, no matter how much you (or they) believe that they are. Teenagers (at least a lot of them) have a feeling of invincibility because they're young; however, they are the exact opposite. They are vulnerable, and men like this 22-year-old gentleman are taking advantage of them. I do agree of course that many teenagers are mature and old enough to make their own decisions. I am, after all, a teenager who’s been living on my own for quite some time—although it could of course be just my opinion that I am mature. But most teenagers are not ready for it, no matter how adamantly they say they are. They may be geniuses; it doesn’t mean they’re ready for sex, especially with older men.

Most young people don't recognize their limitations when it comes to sex and maturity. Everyone would like to believe they are mature; it doesn't mean they are. While of course, I lose all respect for a girl willing to have sex with a man that much older than her, I still believe that the man has taken advantage of her. Regardless of whether the girl has the choice to say no (and of course, she should) it is the older person's responsibility to recognize that having sex with a minor, no matter the age of consent, is morally wrong, and can cause irrevocable damage to the young person. If the guy truly likes the girl, he can wait a few years until she's ready. If he just wants her for the sex, then she shouldn't sleep with him no matter what her age.

So I voted yes, you have every right to be disturbed, because what that man is doing is wrong.

Now you have an incredibly arrogant attitude to the whole thing, i.e. saying that "No sixteen-year-old girl is mentally ready for sex." I am assuming that you are a leading expert in psychology and have spent enough time with every single sixteen-year-old in the world to prove this hypothesis? Everyone is different.

Biologically speaking, because really that is what sex is really about, when you get right down to it, many girls are in fact at their optimum state for child-bearing at that age (sometimes a bit younger, sometimes older, but mid-teenage years is a generally agreed figure). It's when their bodies are best suited to having babies while suffering the least damage to themselves - and let's not forget that the whole point, the entire and ultimate point of sex is to have babies. It really doesn't matter what age the man is.

The only thing that makes it 'wrong' morally for a man of a certain age to have sex with a woman of a younger age is the culture that you have grown up in. Morals are completely culture-dependent and only right and wrong within that culture. So, perhaps for you it is indeed wrong and sickening; but don't forget that that is not a universal truth, that's just a fluke of the conditions you were brought up in. If this 22 year old fellow was brought up differently, he's doing nothing wrong.
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Clapton
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I find it weird that this country has such a phobia about the biological purpose of life. Honestly...
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Ryn
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Kataklysm
Sep 21 2007, 09:02 PM
I find it weird that this country has such a phobia about the biological purpose of life. Honestly...

So you'd be ok if a 22yr old guy slept with a 12 year old girl?What if she was your daughter? Seriously all I'm saying is that children should be children. You only get to live your childhood once...the rest of your years you're stuck being an adult with loads of responsibilities.
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WhiteElephant
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Ryn
Sep 21 2007, 10:06 PM
Kataklysm
Sep 21 2007, 09:02 PM
I find it weird that this country has such a phobia about the biological purpose of life. Honestly...

So you'd be ok if a 22yr old guy slept with a 12 year old girl?What if she was your daughter? Seriously all I'm saying is that children should be children. You only get to live your childhood once...the rest of your years you're stuck being an adult with loads of responsibilities.

Read my above post, and remember that there is a world outside the US&A, and it's a lot bigger than the world inside its borders.
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