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22 year old guy with 16 year old girl; Am I right to be angry?
Topic Started: Sep 18 2007, 10:55 AM (81,503 Views)
silent_orchestra
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If it was my sis or a daughter I would murder him :P, nah I wouldnt be pleased though
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SeleneSilverWolf
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Dewayne2
Sep 18 2007, 06:55 AM
Hi. Long time reader, first time poster.

I found this in a fitness forum.

A guy, 22, wants to have sex with a girl who's 16. I'm the dad of a 1 year old daughter. I am worried about her enough as it is, but I cant think of how much I'd worry about this if this was my daughter. I'm angry about this guy doing this, am I right to be angry? What would you do if your daughter was in this situation?

(to make things equal, you can read the 22 year old guys side on his blog, http://www.becomingapua.com/2007/09/06/hav...a-16-year-old/)

Before I state my opinion, let me give you a bit of background on myself. I'm 48 years old and at the age of 16 I was dating someone who was 22, with my parents knowledge. I even lied to the guy about my age. I told him I was 17 when we met. He later learned I had lied. He wasn't happy about it but it didn't change how he felt about me.


That said, I'm not going to say you don't have a right to be angry IF it was your child in the relationship. If it was your daughter and she were dating a 22 year old, and if you felt he was not a good for her, then yes you would be within your parental right to be angry. However, since this 16 year old is not your child you really don't have the parental right. Don't get me wrong, I've raised two families so I do understand your outrage. However, this particular relationship does not involve you.
I didn't want my daughter having sex at that age but I knew there was nothing I could do to stop it short of locking her away until she was 18, which is illegal. All I could do was make sure she knew what the consequences of having unprotected sex could be and hope whoever she was with was a good person. Thankfully, that did turn out to be the case.

Consider this... When your daughter does finally reach the age of 16 and she were to meet someone in their 20s and start a serious relationship, do you really think your daughter would tell you she was having sex with the guy, especially if she knew you would get angry about it? Chances are she wouldn't because she would feel she could not trust you not to get angry and try to force her to stop dating the guy. Think of the consequences of trying to force her to stop seeing the guy. Unfortunately, as parents, we can't protect our children from everything, all the time. They have to learn from their mistakes. Our mistakes aren't always enough.
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SeleneSilverWolf
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Andrew
Dec 9 2007, 04:51 AM
Why is it that nobody complains when the guy is 16 and the girl is 22?

They do. You just don't hear about it as much because of the old double standards that some people still live by.
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Electraskye
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I'm in a relationship with a 21-year-old and I'm 17.
However, I would never date anyone that exceeds a 4-year difference.

While I don't think the relationship should make you upset, I can understand why it would. It's not "wrong" per se, but it isn't ideal. A great deal of maturing, mentally, occurs between the ages of 16-20. It's probably not the wisest move on the girl's part to be dating someone 6-years older than herself and wanting to be sexually active with him. But as I said before, I don't think it's wrong.
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MontyFlatts
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Quote:
 
Am I right to be angry?

Personally, I don't think it's your place to be angry. If you were the girl's parent, then it's understandable. But the girl has the right to do anything she wants. It's foolish to try to control anyone's sex life, even if you're a parent.
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Rm 777
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Well I'm not really sure about this. As a father you have the right to be as protective of your daughter as you want and to be mad at this man. I'm a Christian so I don't believe in sex before marrige. However if she is sixteen she's a minor and therefore it is against the law to have sex with her anyway.
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shadow789
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Dewayne2
Sep 18 2007, 02:55 PM
Hi. Long time reader, first time poster.

I found this in a fitness forum.

A guy, 22, wants to have sex with a girl who's 16. I'm the dad of a 1 year old daughter. I am worried about her enough as it is, but I cant think of how much I'd worry about this if this was my daughter. I'm angry about this guy doing this, am I right to be angry? What would you do if your daughter was in this situation?

(to make things equal, you can read the 22 year old guys side on his blog, http://www.becomingapua.com/2007/09/06/hav...a-16-year-old/)

Of course! Shoot HIM!
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lostforwords
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They're both legal to have sex, so I see nothing wrong with it if they're in love, but otherwise I don't really think they should have sex but it's completely up to both of them.
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shadow789
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Menindrag
Nov 6 2007, 05:49 PM
It's legal. There's only 6 years difference. There's nothing legally or morraly wrong. Get over it.

its not leagal. The leagal sex age of adults is 18 and up, not 16 and up...
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lostforwords
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i dont even
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shadow789
Feb 17 2008, 12:28 AM
Menindrag
Nov 6 2007, 05:49 PM
It's legal. There's only 6 years difference. There's nothing legally or morraly wrong. Get over it.

its not leagal. The leagal sex age of adults is 18 and up, not 16 and up...

16 is the legal age in the UK, and I think there is some places where it's lower than 18 in the US but I'm not sure.
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Carbohydrated
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shadow789
Feb 16 2008, 07:28 PM
Menindrag
Nov 6 2007, 05:49 PM
It's legal. There's only 6 years difference. There's nothing legally or morraly wrong. Get over it.

its not leagal. The leagal sex age of adults is 18 and up, not 16 and up...

Actually, if you are over sixteen (but not yet eighteen) and there is only a six year age difference, it is technically legal. In the state of North Carolina, that is. The age of consent is technically eighteen, but if you are sixteen you may engage in sexual acts with those who are no more than six years older than you (though at eighteen you may do whatever you please).

This is really a state-specific thing (at least in the US), so its legality really cannot be argued effectively. At least not in a universal sense.
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{LTX}Gaven
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Not necessarily. If your daughter really loves that man and wants to have sex with him, she should go right ahead. :unsure:
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Bry
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Carbohydrated
Feb 17 2008, 07:44 AM
shadow789
Feb 16 2008, 07:28 PM
Menindrag
Nov 6 2007, 05:49 PM
It's legal. There's only 6 years difference. There's nothing legally or morraly wrong. Get over it.

its not leagal. The leagal sex age of adults is 18 and up, not 16 and up...

Actually, if you are over sixteen (but not yet eighteen) and there is only a six year age difference, it is technically legal. In the state of North Carolina, that is. The age of consent is technically eighteen, but if you are sixteen you may engage in sexual acts with those who are no more than six years older than you (though at eighteen you may do whatever you please).

This is really a state-specific thing (at least in the US), so its legality really cannot be argued effectively. At least not in a universal sense.

Maine is the same way.
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Jen
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I'm a 16 year old girl and I don't think anything is wrong with it. It depends on how she really felt about him. If she was willing, I don't see the issue with it. I mean if you really like/love someone, go for it.

My parents might kill me though unless they met him/knew him/liked him, haha. Which most likely, they would for me in order to.

To the 16 year old & 22 year old? No big deal.
Parents? Yeah, they might think differently on that issue.

I could definitely see my parents being like, "he has a LOT more experience" and so forth, but yeah. Doesn't bother me.
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.Jason
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If it's what they want, then it's what they want. lol
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